Do you have any habits you dislike? Things you do you wish you didn’t? Are there any habits you want to form, but have struggled with the follow through?
Benjamin Franklin once claimed,
“Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.”
Convicting?!?
We all want to be people of purpose- people that contribute value to other people’s lives and live in a way that respects ourself and honors our Creator.
The thing about it is that our habits, good or bad, often affect others. If I choose to multi-task during family time, it doesn’t just affect me. If I choose to stay up late on social media, my daughter experiences the effects of my lack of sleep the next day. If I don’t meal plan, my family ends up “scrounging” for dinner, as we like to call it.
Even more convicting are the words spoken by the Roman poet, Ovid,
“Habits change into character.”
Ouch!!
In my position as a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and healthy living advocate, I talk with individuals about much more than numbers, research and nutrients, I am in a position that requires me to talk about habits, behaviors and life rhythms. We all develop patterns that have a certain rhythm and sometimes, when we find that they are leading us down a path we dislike, we have to interrupt these patterns and find a new rhythm. But, this can be quite challenging!
Just because I have talked about behavior change and healthy habits with individuals for years doesn’t mean it is a piece of cake (eh, fruit?) for me, either. I too have to identify motivation, expose self-doubt, and agree to commit. I have to determine how to go about breaking habits that are not supportive of my goals and developing ones that lead me in the direction I want to go.
After leaving my job in a clinical outpatient office and becoming an entrepreneur, where I am totally in charge of my schedule, time management, expectations and endeavors, I found that I was struggling to develop the new habits I desired. All of my routines, habits and schedules from my previous season in life were completely obsolete and I found myself having to establish new ones and struggling immensely.
I truly wondered what had happened to my “initiative-taking”, motivated, achiever self! What was halting my progress? Why was I feeling stuck? Why did I find it so difficult to follow through on a goal and tackle my to-do list?
Have you ever felt that way… When you wonder what happened to the person you know you are? Maybe you noticed that what you are doing isn’t matching what you are planning to do in your head. It doesn’t mean that there is no motivation, but as Paul states,
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do (Romans 7:15).”
While fear certainly left me frozen in place at times, I realized there was more to it.
As lover of order, rules and structure, I never thought I would have to work so hard to set up a good morning routine, develop a work schedule, go to sleep earlier or set boundaries on work and social media. While I found myself making slow progress, it was very slow, indeed.
And, I was not OK with that!
During a work-life balance talk I was listening to a couple of months ago, I was introduced to Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies Framework. Her research and observations on human nature, habits and tendencies led her to develop this framework that for me was eye opening. After taking the short quiz I experienced a “Eureka!” moment as to why I have been struggling.
Don’t you love when you realize that you are not unmotivated or unambitious, but the lens you see through and live through is just different? Finally, this information allowed me to extend grace to myself AND set up new systems to help me with unhealthy habits I wanted to change and new ones I wanted to form.
So often I have worked with individuals who make statements like, “I just need more motivation.” OR “I just need to become more self-disciplined.” They have a desire in their heart to make a change but continue to struggle, telling themselves they are wrong, bad and not good enough. They see someone else experiencing success in an area and believe they should be able to follow that path and arrive at the same results.
The reality is that these individuals have motivation and even a vision for where they want to go- they have already made a huge step in seeking out counsel from a Registered Dietitian. It’s establishing the healthy, consistent habit that is perplexing.
Jim Rohn states,
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
If you have dreams to live, behaviors you want to adapt and habits you want to change, learning a bit more about how God made you to think and respond is essential.
I learned that I have a natural tendency to be an Obliger. I naturally want to meet expectations of others, AND I will forfeit my own in order to meet those of others. This is why I excelled in a structured working environment. I was given expectations and I rose to achieve them. I was asked to complete a task and I went above and beyond. But in a entrepreneurial setting, I make my own schedule. No one is asking me to do anything. As much as I hate the lack of structure and crave policy, there is no one to give it but me.
For an Obliger, the key is to set up external accountability. As I have begun doing this in my life (and it is a bit difficult in a small business, but has made me think outside the box), I have found myself accomplishing more and feeling more accomplished. And, we all want to FEEL accomplished, skillful and proficient!!
I meet with another small business owner and friend about 1 time per month to encourage each other in our endeavors and hold each other accountable. At the end, we always give a verbal plan for our next steps and goals and follow up on these at the following visit. It has been so much fun to have another friend who supports my efforts, sees my progress and all the tiny details and acknowledges them. It meets this innate need in me to be affirmed, but also dramatically helps me by providing accountability.
As I have begun to look at other failed goals in my life (like not sticking to a defined bedtime and reading a certain number of books each year), I have realized that my personal key is setting up clear accountability…and encouragement. I can use all my tips and tricks for goal setting, but for me, without external accountability, I don’t tend to move as much, push as hard or believe in myself as often.
Truly, this has changed my outlook. I am not unmotivated or lazy in certain areas of my life, I am just wired differently and need certain tools and people to help me get where I want to go.
For me, it wasn’t until I left a very structured, predictable life rhythm for a less structured and irregular life schedule to highlight this very real need for accountability and affirmation.
If you have been struggling with a habit or behavior, I encourage you to check out Gretchen Rubin’s free quiz. I would love to hear what you think and if you feel it is accurate for you. The great thing about this quiz is that you can’t really be a mix. You tend towards 1 of the 4 but there isn’t much gray area.
These are the 4 categories but I encourage you not to self-diagnose and honestly take the quiz to see your own personal results.
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Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations
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Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense–essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations
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Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves
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Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike
Your results will identify how you tend to respond to other’s (and your own) expectations AND will provide a bit of feedback about how to counterbalance that so that you can progress forward at the level and speed you desire.
If you want to make changes, YOU CAN. Sometimes we just need to get to know ourselves a bit more to understand how to successfully execute.
YOU REALLY DO HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.
TRUTH: Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights.