Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. — Harriet Braiker
As the oldest child in my family and with a very real and innate desire to please and excel, I think perfectionism will always be a thorn in my side. As much as I would like to imagine I can overcome it and get rid of it, I think this desire to pursue, press on, go further and use my God-given gifts is a part of how I was created. The problem is when it becomes about me.
The twist is when doing good, excelling, and moving the bar higher becomes a self-serving action.
For me, perfectionism comes from a deep rooted insecurity that I will never be enough- smart enough, good enough, talented enough,… just not enough.
Crazy hair at windy Cliffs of Moher, Ireland.
If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content. –Leo Tolstoy
As I have begun to address this insecurity, I have begun to be okay with my own definition of ‘good.’ But to be completely honest, there is a fear that in trying to find and establish peace in this area of my life, that I will become stagnant, okay with mundane, unmotivated and lose my drive.
It is this crazy unbalanced pendulum of trying to walk in a secure identity and not get caught up in seeking that which can’t be caught- perfection- but not giving up or giving in to just okay. I mean really, who wants a just an ‘okay’ life?!
Is is really possible to kick perfectionism to the curb? How do you celebrate the drive and gifts within you (because they are good!), while not living for the approval of others? And how can you identify when you are shifting back into perfection mode?
These are 3 practices I have put into place in my life that have helped me reframe and live with excellence while leaving perfection in the dust. This has been a journey of digging deeper, dealing with thoughts and behaviors that are anything but beautiful, and breathing light into the dark crevices of my soul. I certainly haven’t walked this out perfectly (ha!!), but I have made some great progress and can happily say that I am more secure and confident than ever…in all the right ways (mostly!).
Fill Up on Truth
When I am empty (or, at least not full), I want affirmation and affection to make me feel good. Plain and simple. But, when I am full to overflowing, I don’t need someone or something to meet a need in me. Instead, my gifts flow out of the overflow. When I am working on a project only half full, I really want to prove to myself and others that I am amazing because of the need to be affirmed. Filling up on truth, every morning, and inviting healthy, positive people into my inner circle that speak truth, hope and life, keeps me full to overflowing.
Verbalize Gratitude
It is easy to keep chasing the high of achievement and never stop to acknowledge gratitude in the little moments in life. The delight of accomplishment is short-lived. We quickly set another goal to achieve ‘more’, but it never seems to fill those empty places buried deep. Brene Brown shares, “I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.” Stopping to fill our moment with gratitude helps us reframe. Instead of striving to become, we can choose to enjoy now, this very moment.
Gratitude turns what we have into enough. — Melody Beattie
Invest in People, Not Projects
This is a central way I determine whether I am living to be perfect or choosing to be excellent. When I am looking to love and serve people well with my gifts, it’s not really about me. The goal isn’t to have someone gush over all that I have done for them, it’s to inspire them to live forward, encourage one more small step and offer solutions that allow them to envision the future they desire. The people that make the biggest impression on our lives do not do so with their resume or list of accolades, it’s about how they made us feel, how they served us and how they went above and beyond to make our day, moment or experience amazing. But, be careful, because martyrdom syndrome can easily link arms with acts of service.
When all three of these practices take precedence in my life, the hold of perfection is weak(er).
Willie Garson shares an interesting angle, “Perfection is the antithesis to authenticity.” Essentially, who wants to learn from the perfect person? Who wants to be mentored by the one who has done it all right? It’s our failures, our mess-ups, our unexpected disasters and clawing out of the pit that makes us real, relatable and credible. All of our blemishes make us beautiful and someone worth knowing.
Maybe being perfectly imperfect isn’t so bad?
Christmas 2016- My non-Instagram worthy photos with my daughter who wasn’t remotely interested in smiling.
Our imperfect pictures of authentic, real people.
Here’s what I know…
I still love the affirmation. Always will.
I still love to contribute BIG. Probably won’t ever want to settle for average.
I still get a thrill when my contributions are recognized, big or small. Absolutely love it.
But…
I refuse to be chained to the idea that I am not enough.
I refuse to succumb to thoughts that I must achieve to be significant.
I refuse to live to exceed the expectations of others and myself.
I refuse to live for a temporary high when I can bask in unconditional love and acceptance every day.
I am enough…and YOU ARE TOO.
TRUTH: See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1a (NIV)