Sometimes gifts show up in unexpected packages.
An entire year…that’s 12 months… 365 days…That’s how long it took for me to lose every last pound of pregnancy weight. I had shed all but about 5 pounds, but those stubborn little guys clung to me like those little “hitch-hiker” seeds that used to cling to our socks. It was really very frustrating and in many ways made me question my self-discipline, knowledge, years of training and experience, motivation,…everything!
What I knew, coached, preached, lived… didn’t seem to be working.
Fad diets and severe calorie restriction wasn’t an option and in fact never even crossed my mind. At times I wondered if this is just the “mom bod” that ‘women’ accept, but don’t really talk about. I wondered if this is what I would have to “live with” but deep down, the most important thing to me was being content, satisfied, even proud of this body. I was absolutely determined to care for my body physically, respect it mentally, and cherish it emotionally.
It wasn’t until I completely discontinued breastfeeding that those last pounds melted off. I kept working out as diligently as I could changing up my routine several times to find a schedule that worked with my baby’s. I continued to choose whole foods most of the time with the occasional treat, and I maintained a meal plan of about 3 meals and 3 snacks per day. Imagine that- hormones playing a role in our weight and body fat!
To imply that I simply “waited it out” and allowed my body to return to my natural weight would be misleading. No, in fact, I shed many tears, questioned my food and exercise behaviors, and spoke some critical things over my body that were the opposite of lovely, kind and nurturing. But, during those 365+/- days of struggle, perseverance, adapting, developing new routines, and becoming a more authentic and beautiful woman, mom, lover, and friend, I learned some things.
It unveiled some insecurities I didn’t know were lurking deep in my soul. It revealed unspoken expectations I had for myself. It gave me a good ole’ dose of humility. And one of the most treasured gifts it gave me was compassion for moms- moms who are trying really hard to be an amazing wife and lover, an awesome mom and nurturer, a reliable and excellent employee, and a beautiful woman inside and out.
The truth was that this year of struggle, of wrestling with these few stubborn pounds, of dealing with these uncomfortable feelings related to body image, expectations, and attractiveness… It was actually a gift.
I didn’t know it at the time. I certainly never would have called it a ‘gift’ during the season. There were times when I felt so hypocritical and downright mad that this was one area I couldn’t control.
Sometimes gifts don’t look like gifts we envision. We imagine our freedom and deliverance from the obstacle to look one way, but it doesn’t always come in the package we expect. But, when we change the way we look at our challenge, maybe it’s a gift in disguise. Maybe there is beauty there but you aren’t seeing it?
The gift is there, but how deep are you looking?
Sometimes gifts we receive are like diamonds in the rough. They look quite unattractive and useless. They don’t appear to hold any value. Rough. Hard. But only through chipping away at layers, can the stunning beauty be revealed.
What gifts have you been given? What layers do you need to unpack to see a glimpse of something that not only changes you but impacts people?
Eventually, after a few pity parties and personal tantrums, I chose to look beyond the caked on sediment, to see what this gift actually was.
Through my trial…
- I now understand what it is like to “struggle” with weight loss. I know the frustration of efforts that seem to be ‘useless.’
- I now understand what it is like to “juggle” the vast mommy responsibilities, trying to find time for meal planning and prep, exercise, “me time”, connecting with friends, intimacy with my husband and everything else that competes for my time.
- I now have a deeper understanding of body image, dressing to accentuate our best features and how to divert attention from areas that are not.
- I now know what it is like to have to scrap your exercise plans due to kids and find creative solutions to make it happen at another time in the day.
- I now have more respect for my body. It’s not just a piece of ‘flesh’ that is supposed to ‘submit’ to formulas, discipline, and well-intentioned plans. My body was designed…yes, designed by the Creator with beautiful, meticulous body systems that synchronously work together.
- I have experience first hand how negative thinking affects the body. It is like a car that is leaking fuel and can’t get very far, but every time you fill up again, the same thing happens, making the journey longer, arduous and practically futile.
All these revelations were wrapped up in a very unattractive package, one I would have given back if you had asked.
Do you have any ugly, hard, or trying ‘gifts’ in you life that might contain more value than you realize?
Maybe like me, there is something yet to be seen, revealed, discovered, excavated. Maybe there is remarkable beauty to be exposed but there is a process to do so. Process is aka, “hard work.” Likely, it will involve chipping away at the surface sediment/deposits, to eventually reach the treasure.
But, I bet it’s there. I bet that if you are willing to surrender to the process, that the treasure you find will not only excite you but actually bless every person that looks in.
“I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep.” ― Ann Voskamp
To think that “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. (James 1:17)”
They are good even when they don’t feel good. They are good when they aren’t wrapped up in pretty packages. But what good gifts of life, encouragement, and hope can be shared when we commit to the excavation process? Beauty can shine out of your trials and frustrations!
Sometimes gifts show up in unexpected packages.
Will you see it?